Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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