Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
