...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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