I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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