Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
