He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
