You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
