Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had sex on a roof
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
