Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize