Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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