When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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