we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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