I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
