I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
