yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
