Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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