Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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