my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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