So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
