If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
