These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
