Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
