cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
