come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
