I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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