Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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