everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
