Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
