I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
