3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
