I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
