We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize