Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
