His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
