i think i have two assholes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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