Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
