If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
