So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
