This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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