The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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