You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
