do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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