physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
