So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
