Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize