You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And then he peed in my hair
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