So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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