My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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