my vag is so smooth its legendary
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
