Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize