we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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