In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
