I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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