I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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