Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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