Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
