I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
