I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
