OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
