uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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