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I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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