Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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