i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
