I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
