k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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