Having a random hookup so left but love u
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
