U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
