I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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