I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
