Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
