It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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