i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
