he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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