mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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