we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
