i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize