You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
