She announced her abortion via fbk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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